


Weeping Silent Like A Wound

by MunClauds



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Octane is just sad man, Other, hugging and crying, no beta we die like zagreus, sorry if this is confusing i wrote this in one sitting bc I’m depressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:29:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28776093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MunClauds/pseuds/MunClauds
Summary: Dionysus and AresMadness and rageThe laughter of wining and dining, the unrelenting furyOctavio was not ok. Everywhere he went, a maroon cloud of darkness followed. It was the only thing he could feel.Or alternatively,Octane is really depressed and he can’t do this on his own
Relationships: Bloodhound/Octane | Octavio Silva
Kudos: 3





	Weeping Silent Like A Wound

Dionysus and Ares

Madness and rage

The laughter of wining and dining, the unrelenting fury

Octavio was not ok. Everywhere he went, a maroon cloud of darkness followed. It was the only thing he could feel. 

As a child, all he knew was anger. Anger at the world. Anger at his parents, for never being there. Anger at himself, for ruining everything around him.

Anger was his comfort, and so was the madness.

He knew the interactions of the drugs and medication. His father owned a pharmaceutical company, of course he knew many things about pills. Side effects, dosages, allergic reactions, what worked what didn’t. Never was a big interest for him, but a little knowledge of what he injects in his body never hurt. Instead, he found out what could nearly kill him, his limits, and how far he could push them. Even if he didn’t have this wisdom, he didn’t care. The rush was all that mattered. He couldn’t feel anything else, aside from the pain, and even that was a blur in his mind. 

So what does this have to do with anger? Everything.

Anger when the thrill of it all wasn’t the same. Anger that his blood wasn’t flowing as fast. Where was the sting? Where was that adrenaline he oh so craved?

It was all a blur. Spacing out mid battle, with a gun at his head. What did death even mean to him anymore?

Seen it right in the face, but he felt no fear. Only indifference. Trading licks with it so often, not even the pain the bullet in his head took him out of this state. He’d come back from it like nothing happened, head to the infirmary even just to escape to his room. 

The bed felt warm, but he felt no heat. His hands must be by now, if only he could care. Staring at the dark wall, how long had it been?

How long has he been feeling like this?

He was a daredevil for fucks sake, how can he face danger when he has no sense of it. It had been a slow and disgraceful descent into this void.

Within this void, there was madness. A deranged sense of being. 

Bloodhound was the first to note this change. Could see right through him, no need for the gear they used in the ring. They had good intentions, they were his closest friend after all. Would be second if he had the balls to talk to Che. It was too tiring, too draining.

He laughed at their face when questioned. Laughter was his automatic response, could barely even process when they went up to him. Shaky laughter dripping out of his mouth, with clouded, unfocused eyes. 

Didn’t even hear what they said, much less notice the hug until minutes later. It had been in his room after all, on his bed. They never showed affection in front of others. This intimate gesture spoke so many words, yet he heard none. 

If he was capable, he’d reciprocate. It was like he was trapped inside a black goop. Unmoving, tears of- what could he even feel anymore? Were they tears of sorrow? Emptiness? Frustration at his incompetence perhaps.

Gentle, yet firm and full of purpose, hands traced circles in his back. It seemed they had no means to leave until they could communicate.

How badly he wanted to reach out, tell them of hidden away secrets. Laugh and cry and be happy to love them. He wanted to feel anything at all. A spark, a sign, something to remind him he was still human, not a robot his mush of a brain convinced him he was.

He leaned into their touch. A small, yet first step into getting out of this hell hole. They noticed this move, a genuine smile now lingered on their face. Faint yet noticeable. 

They stayed interlaced like that, not a single word muttered. He understood, they both did. Time was not real anymore, and the only thing that mattered were two souls, intertwined and holding onto each other like they were the only things in the world.

His tears had stopped, they remained in silence. Sense was coming back, and his hands weren’t as cold. Maroon wisp dissipating.

Two lovers with the sun setting, mingling breaths. 

He was Octavio, he let out a caged breath, with the smallest hint of a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaa i hope this wasn’t too confusing!! Majority of this is projection but i do think that Octane would just, stop feeling. I have ADHD and i headcanon him as having it too, and a part of it (for me) is pure dissociation and feeling like nothing hits, and combined with depression it can get really bad.
> 
> I hope you liked this though!!
> 
> I also have a twitter @rhaaclaws and a tumblr @bloodmoonslvlr if you’d like to talk to me abt them!! I have so many brainworms about their relationship that i need to talk to someone about it or i will die


End file.
